her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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