I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize