Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize