apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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