I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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