so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
