We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
