He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There r osticjed everywhere
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
