Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
