Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
