The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
