Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
