yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
