I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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