why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
