we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
