cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize