I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
