brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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