I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
