i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
