We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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