so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
