Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize