just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
