Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
