You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
