Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
