my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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