Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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