I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
