lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
