Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
