well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
