I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
only you would photoshop your dick
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
