Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
