Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize