she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
