TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
