I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize