Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
