I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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