Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
