In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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