can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
