Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
