I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
