thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He had one of those small greek statue penises
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
