the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
