You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
