We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
