Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
