I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
