I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
