So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
