I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
