new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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