i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
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Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
