Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
