True but thats because hes a fetus.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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