I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
