Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
