sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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