I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
