Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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