theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
