But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
