Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
